If Jesus Can Suck It Up...So Can I

So, I've been doing some thinking....and actually this came about after starting a 54 day Novena to Our Lady of Fatima yesterday.  While I was doing the rosary (yes the WHOLE rosary) I realized that I should seriously stop complaining.  Jesus is the SON of God....not some John Smith on the street...and he took every single one of the humiliations, back stabs, physical pain, torture, and death like no human could.  Why would God want to hurt his own child?  Never.....Jesus did this to prove his love not only to us but to God.  I'm sure he could have easily told God....ok.....enough is enough...I'm your kid...give it up.  But he didn't.  

Then I started thinking about all of the saints and the suffering that went on through their lives to prove to God that they are faithful to him.  Some of these people took on A LOT more than I think I ever could and yet God blessed them.  Maybe this is God's way of testing me and my faith.  I won't lie....right after my miscarriage...I started doubting this whole God thing but then I remembered....God already saved my life once.  How dare I forget?  If it wasn't for God's love...I wouldn't be here....and according to the doctors...I should have been dead.  But no...I was alive and fighting.  

When I drove home from work (the day of the miscarriage) I asked God to give me a sign that everything will be ok.  After a few minutes, there was a car driving in the opposite direction from me.....and I'm sure it was a guido.....but instead of a license plate there was something on it that said "God Father".  Like I said...I'm sure it was some guido who happens to be a huge God Father movie fan.  But for that moment, I didn't see it that way.  I felt like God was telling me that God the father is with me.  And at the moment...I was ok with that.  Of course, with the rest of the day's events...I kept questioning what I saw and whether or not it truly was a sign.  But throughout my stay at the hospital...I kept telling Vlad that everything is going to be ok.  What that meant....I didn't know....but my heart was telling me things were going to be fine.  Vlad actually told me that he felt the same way.  Unfortunately, it wasn't what we wanted...when we wanted it...but still everything is going to be ok.  

So anyway, a nestie (a person from a message board group that I frequent) posted on the Trouble Trying to Conceive board that she prayed the novena to Our Lady of Fatima for 54 days and shortly after became pregnant.  So of course, I NEED to do this novena.  Since I haven't done a rosary in YEARS I kinda had to look it up for the special prayers and to be able to remember what the Joyful mysteries are etc.  Besides all of the other stuff I thought about during the prayers....my Abuela (grandmother) and Tia Sonia popped into my head.  It was a quick childhood memory of staying at my Tia Dulce's house with my cousins and my Abuela and Tia Sonia lived there as well.  Every night they would say the rosary together.  It just all brought me back to that time.  Then I started thinking....does Tia Sonia still say the rosary on her own because Abuela has been dead now for about 8 years.  I hope she does......and of course...I made sure she was one of my intentions.  

I got a call today from nurse Anne.  We are scheduled for our IVF class on April 2nd @ 6pm in Morristown.  Yippee!  Something to look forward to.  We kinda figured out that I should be getting my period around that time as well.  So the first day I get my period...I need to call the office and schedule a Saline test to look at my uterus (I think that's what she said).  She said it's nothing like the HSG....THANK GOODNESS!!  Then on cd 3 (cycle day 3) start taking the BCP (birth control pills) for 2 weeks I think she said.  Then Lupron shots....and then I forgot the rest.  Good thing she'll be sending my full protocol in the mail.  How funny....I want to get pregnant...and yet I have to take BCP.  Talk about ironic.  I asked her when we can start having intercourse again (I know...TMI) and she said whenever I feel better.  Since it was so early there is nothing holding me back...I didn't have a D&C it was a natural miscarriage.  So that's good.  Then she followed up by saying...if by chance you get pregnant (yeah right!) to take a HPT and if it comes up positive to call them so that they monitor me until I'm in my 8 weeks or so.  She said it has happened before....but ummmmm...I doubt it.  If it hasn't happened for over a year and a half.....if it hasn't happened after the HSG (which they say many people get pregnant right after).....if it hasn't happened before starting the IUIs.....it ain't gonna happen on it's own.