Believe me...I'm nervous and excited about IVF....because honestly, I think this is the only way it's going to happen.....but I'm still hoping for a miracle. I keep looking at all the medication, the needles, etc. and ask myself if I could do this. Hell yeah...I can do this and I HAVE to do this.
Vlad is so hopeful ...that it makes me sad. I don't mind being disappointed but it kills me when he is. I know..it's weird....but it's true. I feel like I can take disappointment better than he can. He is so optimistic it drives me nuts! I keep telling him...no...it's not gonna happen just to bring his hopes down a bit (although inside I hope he is right). I hate it when he is upset about all of this. He tries to hide his feelings from me and tries to be the positive one just to keep me going. But I would rather be realistic. I've caught him crying about this once and only once. I'm sure he's done it on his own without me around much more often.
As for me, please...I cry in front of everyone at any time at any place. I'm like a water fountain. But I'm also tired of all this crying and want some good news. And maybe some happy tears.
Today, the librarian at work asked me how I'm feeling after being diagnosed with ITP for exactly a year now...and I told her I'm doing great. She told me that it is now time to work on a baby. Little does she know....we've been doing that since before I got sick. I gave her a little insight into our TTC struggle. And she said to me, "It's going to happen....you deserve this more than anyone". Wow! She isn't the first person to say that...as a matter of fact I think my friend Liz said it last. It truly makes me feel that I'm someone special....and maybe my child/ren will also be very special...not just to me....but to people who love us and care for us. And in some ways...if this is true......then I don't mind waiting.......but I still hope and pray that the waiting isn't for very long because the longing in my heart can't take too much more.
3 comments:
It's TOTALLY normal to be afraid of the unknown...hang in there! :)
Yes, I did say it and I will say it again..."you deserve it more than anyone."
And I really and truly believe that. Coming from the librarian does mean a lot! She is the typical librarian! :)
Just so you know, you will probably be the first couple that I will actually buy Yankee's things for! :) Liz
Aw, I hope you got pregnant this cycle, too, but, I promise you, if you have to move forward with the IVF cycle, you will have the strength! And, when you need help, remember, there are a lot of us who can offer support!
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