Is God Talking to Me?!

I spoke to my SIL yesterday and the doctor told her that the baby is on her way.  My SIL was due May 3rd but it looks like Baby Gabriella wants to make an appearance about a month early.  She always measured 3 weeks early...so I guess that's about right. 

So of course, we have the problem of the baby shower.  If anything it'll be postponed if the baby comes this week.  But hopefully the baby will wait a little longer.  I went to church and asked God to let my SIL enjoy her shower.  Hopefully my prayer will be answered.  

As I drove to church yesterday, I was listening to the radio and a song came on and I think it was P.Diddy singing it...but not sure...I wasn't really listening to it well.  And the only part of the song that I heard was something like this....you need to experience pain, in order to fully experience joy.  WOW!!  Was P.Diddy talking to me?  How true is that???  When you finally have some type of joy in your life it's usually after something has gone terribly wrong.  I guess in my case..I have to experience the pain of ttc, miscarriages, doctor's visits, getting ultrasounds and blood work, etc. before I can experience the joy of having my child/ren and getting to see the ultrasound of my dreams!  The one that has my baby growing inside of me and not how many follicles I have and whether or not I'm ready to trigger.  

When I got to church...I got there a bit late....anyway, whenever I'm late I read the readings that I missed to myself.  The second reading had to do with Jesus and how some of his disciples didn't believe that he appeared to the others and needed to see Jesus with his own eyes.  It's funny....because a few days ago...I started to wonder the same thing....and ask myself...how do I truly know he exists?   The reading continued to say how those who don't see but believe will be blessed and basically that to question His existence isn't terrible as long as you realize in the end that He does exist.  It also had a little bit of what I heard on the radio about pain and joy.  I felt like God was talking to me yesterday.  

After church, I thought for sure AF arrived.  Nope.  I rushed to my mom's house only to find nothing.  I've been so bloated too...that my mom and Vlad have asked me if I put on any weight.  I didn't.  I've been bloated for about a week.  I noticed the bloat because of my pants being so tight on the waist line.  So....is it because of the meds I've taken in previous cycles that could do this?  Or is it because AF is coming?  Or could it be that I'm pregnant?  Well I'm hoping it's the last choice...but I also don't mind if it's AF.  

Well one thing for sure....if I don't get AF tomorrow then I will test on April 2nd.  Which also happens to be the same day as my IVF class.  Chances are it will be negative....and that's ok.  Although secretly....or not so secretly, I'm hoping for a postive HPT!  It would definitely be a true miracle.  The delay of my period could totally be due to my miscarriage...but I'm hoping there won't be a delay if I'm not pregnant.